guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
