i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
