We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
