I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
