I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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