I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
