Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
