yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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