Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
