Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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