u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
