Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
