Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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