I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
