She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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