Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
