You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
