I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
