dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
