did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
