Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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