Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
