I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
