i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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