He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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