where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
