Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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