Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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