I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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