I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My feet surprised me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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