allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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