I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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