Umm I'm too high to move.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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