with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
