I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
