pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
