marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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