There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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