why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
