Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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