I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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