Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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