How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
