i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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