Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
