Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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