You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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