I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
