We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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