just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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