Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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