You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
