WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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