The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize