Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think my fart just growled at me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
