youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
