I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
