If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize