is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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