CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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