you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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