Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
