I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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