Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
