i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize