dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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