Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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