using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
