I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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