He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
