I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
