Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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