I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
