why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
