I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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