Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
