yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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