for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
