Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
