Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
