you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
